It’s been over a hundred years since Emily Post wrote her original guide on proper etiquette.
Emily who? Eti-what?!
I know, I haven’t heard the word etiquette since 7th grade in Connecticut. And Emily Post published her tomb on proper behavior in 1922. But to my surprise, and even more surprising interest, her great, great grandchildren Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Sennett have updated her book calling it Emily Post's Etiquette, The Centennial Edition.
The accepted definition of etiquette is “a customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.” Normally I recoil from that whole sentence starting with “customary,” and ending with “polite behavior.” But since the assault of COVID and all the improvising that’s had to happen in workplace culture, I was curious to learn what has become customary and polite behavior at work. Given the blurring of boundaries between work and home, it’s only natural that new lines have been drawn. So much so in fact, that these genetically predisposed experts on what’s appropriate, have and additional book, “Business Etiquette.”
My initial instinct was to dismiss these folks as nepo-baby authors, but I like what they’re saying. It’s an actionable and helpful update to an antiquated word. They go even further in dedicating their centennial edition to ‘Emily Post and all those who take care with each other and in doing so make the world a kinder place.’"
Yes…and!
Likely this point of view called to me because I’m deep in prep for some speaking gigs. I’ve been ruminating about making people laugh. Where is the line between taking care of them by delivering some comic relief and jokes that have the opposite effect?. Damaging slings and arrows that generate laughter at the expense of others - very popular right now - and a dangerous sport.
I’ll confess to laughing at Don Rickles back in the day and my dear, late friend the comedian Sam Brown could make me laugh ‘till I cried roasting me and everyone else in any given audience. That was decades ago. What I’ve seen at great cost in the last ten years is how cruel and incendiary this kind of humor can be. So I’m all in for the Emily Post heirs for laying out some guidelines that help us take care of others instead of stoking the flames of hatred.
Exploring this book got me wondering what other books people are turning to for solace/guidance in this mad, mad, mad world right now. These are the NY Times top two:
- Let Them by Mel Robbins
- Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Suess
The first I get. Love how Mel Robbins uses herself as an enthusiastically authentic and curious instrument to help us successfully create full and fully realized lives. Let them is a great philosophy for maintaining peace of mind, the “let me” part she gets to is even better. She’s a captivating communicator and bless her for doing her part to help all from jumping out of buildings.
Dr. Suess coming in at Number 2 was a surprise. Then I remembered it was graduation season! There is no better book for a graduate from pre-school to grad school than this whimsical, inspired tribute to life’s realities. I got misty eyed when I first read the first time and I did again just now.
Here’s to Emily Post, with her etiquette lessons that felt classist and her distant impassioned relatives who decided to use it as a framework to help people feel more connected! And to all the other self-help enthusiasts, coaches, therapists, thought leaders and wise older living relatives who keep reminding us in deed and words to do our best to respect others, and as Mel Robbins would emphatically insist, always respect ourselves too.
