Knowing We Never Have to Ride Alone

I was lucky enough to have back-to-back Vistage speaking gigs on the East Coast last week. And was able to top that off with some quality time with my sons. Even saw a show, met with friends and had matcha at the oh so hip Cha Cha Matcha.

Almost equally as fun was being around people.

Unless you keep a car running outside your building, there’s no avoiding people in New York City. All shapes, sizes, colors, genders and their dogs. There’s just so much life there. Having lived there in my 20’s, I also know that surprising phenomenon of being surrounded by millions and yet feeling terribly alone.

Maybe because I was staying with a dear friend instead of facing the bare walls of a hotel for days on end, I didn’t feel that way this trip.

In fact, quite the opposite. I talked to people everywhere. At the H Mart on Amsterdam Ave., the corner bodega in search of a David bar, and the subways. When you live in a car culture like Los Angeles there is something startling about so many living, breathing people at arms length every time you leave your apartment. All the eye contact, the snippets of conversation! The simple awareness that everyone around you is living a life as rich and…complicated as your own.

It was surprisingly heartwarming.

After eight years of talking about the importance of human connection, it appears I've finally drunk my own Kool-Aid.

So much so that even after the bucket-list thrill of launching my TEDx talk and knowing I could easily justify a $125 cab ride to the airport at 6:00 a.m. as a celebratory indulgence, I didn't do it.

Instead, I got up at 5:30, hauled my suitcase down a flight of grimy stairs, hopped on the No. 2 train to Penn Station, rolled onto the LIRR to Jamaica, Queens, and then caught the AirTrain to JFK.

I could have sat alone in an Uber scrolling through my phone. But so much more interesting to ride alongside people with whom I had at least one thing in common?

Because no matter what the rest of your life looks like, on this morning, at this early hour, we're all dressed and headed somewhere that matters. Otherwise, let's be honest, we'd still be in bed.

Maybe it was the novelty of it, but I loved the experience. It reminded me of those times when I forget to eat and then I put something in my mouth and it’s immediately the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. And I must have more.

Between working from home and driving everywhere when I do leave the house, I'd forgotten the power of simply being around other people.

Six years after COVID, I'm hardly alone. According to Gallup, 52% of employees now work a hybrid schedule and 26% work exclusively remotely. Only 22% are in the office full time.

Yes, we all love avoiding the commute. But I suspect many of us are hungrier for human presence than we'd like to admit.

Eye contact matters. A shared eye roll, a smile from a stranger also matter.

These are the tiny moments that happen on public transportation, in offices, while standing in line, or simply walking down the street. The answer doesn't have to be moving to a crowded, expensive city. But this trip reminded me how much those seemingly insignificant interactions enrich our lives.

We may spend a lot more time physically alone, but we're not meant to experience life in isolation. In fact, studies are now showing that right after the importance of sleep for preserving brain health, social engagement is essential. Sometimes all it takes is sharing a train car, a sidewalk, or a glance with a stranger to remember that we're part of something larger.

With my head out of my phone, taking in all these people it dawns on me that with a little effort, wherever we live, we don’t have to feel like we’re riding alone.