Laughing Through the Hard Stuff

Hello from Savannah, Georgia! So far I have not seen any ghosts but according to everyone who works here, from baristas to Uber drivers, it’s only a matter of time. “Just be careful who’s in your bed tonight,” the young woman handing me my matcha warned me before I headed to my hotel. Ghosts seem to be having a moment judging by the popularity of Widow’s Bay - which I listen to from the other room. Can’t do horror. 

I am lucky enough to be in this historic town as a speaker for Mirasol Health. Founded in 1982 by Annalou Thomas and originally called, Hospice Volunteers of Hilton Head, Inc., its original mission was to provide community-supported volunteer hospice and bereavement care to patients and families navigating the end of life. Someone here stumbled across my TEDx and decided to bring an unusual angle to their volunteers. Enter me and my ideas about creating laughter where we least expect it.

I might now officially be the go-to person for helping people bring comic relief to situations most people would rather whisper about. Like cancer. Remember when we all did that? Thirty five years ago when my father was first diagnosed, that’s exactly how the news spread around town…

Of course now there are TV shows, even comedies, where the central character is fighting cancer. Cancer is way out of the closet. Alzheimer’s, on the other hand, is in its late 1990’s phase, people know it when they see it and have it, but it’s not fully out of the closet. I’d like to think of myself as the Larry Kramer of Alzheimer’s, if he’d been a comedian. 

What often surprises people about my mission, is that when I share ideas about bringing humor to darker circumstances, I’m not talking nose, glasses and punchlines. Not to dismiss the work of Patch Adams and his renown for bringing clowning, and a passion for free healthcare, to those who need it. The kind of laughter I’m seeking comes from comedy tools rather than comic props. It’s the kind born of authenticity, knowing your audience and staying completely in the moment. If you’re interested in a laughter cheatsheet, here are my most recent top three.

1. Let go of the Moment Before – an oldie but a goodie. Hanging on to anything, but particularly hard moments, is a levity killer. We certainly learn this as comics, but it is equally true while caring for those facing long-term illness. I’m a big believer in taking a few deep breaths as a reset. Given that you can program your Apple watch to tell you to breathe, I’m not alone in this. Sometimes you have to do more. Not to get all Taylor Swift here, but she makes a point with that song. Shake it off, or dance it off, stomp it off, but best to move your body.

If even the thought of doing anything like this embarrasses you, maybe it’s because you have a little, or a lot, of fear about not looking perfect. That’s why I like tool number 2. 

2. Embrace Imperfection. Instead of hiding from moments where we or someone else misses the mark, acknowledge it fully. Then set about finding a creative solution. But also look for ways to laugh about it too. With this tool, you’re not just letting go, you’re sitting with it and taking action with some creative problem solving. This also inherently involves bringing your humanity into the room. Like laughter itself, introducing some humanity to most situations helps people feel connected. Yes, and to this! Embracing imperfection is all about the ubiquitous Improv tool “Yes, and” that even has its own Wikipedia page now. 

3. Express Appreciation – I didn’t learn this from my stand up days, or my family. After all, when’s the last time you heard a comedian take the mic and tell you all the things they’re grateful for? Pretty sure that’s never. However, in improv training, making your partner look good is one of the basic tenets. The first time I heard this from one of my improv veterans, I probably looked like a Doberman hearing a strange sound. And yet, science proves that expressing appreciation makes everyone feel better and when we feel better, we also feel lighter and more open to laughing! 

There are many other ways that stand-up and Improv tools taken out of the clubs and into our daily life can make a real difference in our everyday lives. When facing the really hard stuff of life, I have come to believe it is mandatory for helping us keep the faith that this too shall pass. Which may be the most earnest sentence I have ever written.