I’m lucky enough to have been a guest at two graduation ceremonies in the past month. Pretty hard to get Pomp and Circumstance out of my mind. They had to play it for so many hours.
At the second one I became concerned about the relentlessly pursed lips of the trumpet players! It was hard not to get swept up in the emotion and enforced reflection of the familiar anthem and the earnest speeches. Kudos to Steve Carell at Northwestern and Sandra Oh at Dartmouth for cajoling serious academics, graduating classes, and combined audiences of thousands to literally get up and dance.
Other than energizing a potentially very hungover group of graduates, they also shared a surprising message for comedy people: kindness. These pop culture figures weren’t telling soon to be graduates to make sure they stay “edgy.” The message was loud and clear from both, there will be discomfort, things will not always go as planned. The key to resilience is a sense of humor and kindness.
Both made sure we all appreciate that, as Mr. Carell said, “kindness is not weakness.” Ms. Oh was more specific, “A lot of us are scared and angry about what’s going on in the world, and in times like this, kindness might seem naive or pointless.” She then defined kindness as being able to hold heartbreak. “So we can meet cruelty again and again and not lose our humanity.”
Not exactly what you’d expect from speakers known for their comic timing. I loved it.
When I speak at business schools I often get asked what I look for when hiring comedians for Laughter On Call. “Is it the funniest person in the room?” inevitably is asked. No, it’s not. The group of very talented performers we’ve put together have one quality most people don’t always associate with comedians: kindness. Making people feel good about themselves and safe enough to risk being vulnerable with each other is 100% more important than lacerating wit.
Clearly I’m not alone in knowing that the last thing any of us needs is anything lacerating. There’s a reason why kindness was the buzzword for these two commencement speeches and no doubt for many more this season. I would add courage to the mix.
As someone with a strong opinion about the power of humor both to heal and wound, I appreciated the encouragement to dance and laugh together. But their message using kindness to show up for yourself and others was the real music to my ears. Important not just for those graduating, but for all of us right now.
Next time you have the impulse to show how clever you are by putting someone down or mocking them, maybe leave that to the memory of Don Rickles, old school sitcoms, people who compulsively communicate on X or Truth Social. Instead, think of Mr. Carell and Ms. Oh, waving their arms, jumping up and down, insisting that we meet inevitable discomfort with a little silliness, a big dose of courage and a lot of kindness.
