Hot Fun in the Summertime! Are We Sure About That?

I’ll start by confessing that I live in Southern California and we are not experiencing a heat wave. I will add that I have two healthy offspring and have been with the same man for 27 years. So basically, I should shut the f*k up about anything other than how lucky I am. I should walk around singing like a “Hamilton” chorus member, echoing Eliza’s insistence to Hamilton that he recognize “...how lucky we are to be alive right now.” 

Having said that, it hasn’t been a quarter century of endless, mindnumbing bliss. Summertime always reminds me of this. August is the month I crashed and burned out of NYC after one too many sweltering, putrid days. Therapists go on vacation in August, people have been known to use “summer” as a verb that is synonymous with vacationing, both of which makes me anxious. Then there is the pressure I feel of the urgent need for reinvention in September, like I’m some college Junior. 

Despite all of that, I am still fully aware that I am one of the lucky ones. I’m not taking care of ailing parents anymore, my children aren’t children, they are young men whose lives are no longer the center of mine. Even if I wanted them to be. My latest joke is how far down the “call sheet,” I have fallen for them. I’m not even a day player. More like talent that is booked by the hour, one that usually involves a meal. I may have gotten into the showbiz weeds there, but I’m pretty sure for any mom the context makes it clear. 

The reason I bring this up is because, I suspect I am not the only one for whom summer is not endless strolls on beaches, margaritas on a roof deck and steaks on the grille - with an e. Particularly if you are a working parent/daughter/son/caregiver, whatever schedule you manage to put in place seems to get blown out of the water when everyone is on vacation. What do we do about this? As a comedian for 30 years, a daughter for 57 and a mother for 23, there are certain ways of thinking and being that I’ve learned can be helpful.

1. & 2. Breath and Be Flexible. I put these two together because they compliment each other spectacularly well. For any of you yogi’s out there, you know what I’m talking about. Breathing into a stretch helps drop you further into whatever lengthening you are trying to do. Same with life. Deep breathing in any given situation triggers all kinds of helpful thinking. Slow, intentional breathing puts the brakes on stress and triggers the body's natural rest-and-relax response. Maybe you’re not sailing on tranquil water, but just being intentional about breathing can trick your mind and body into feeling like you are. 

The flexibility piece is linked here because nothing makes me want to stop breathing faster than being inflexible about how I think something or someone should be. For example, no matter how many years I live in Los Angeles, I get so tense stuck in traffic I can find it hard to breathe. An extreme reaction, but nevertheless once I remind myself to take a deep breath and be flexible about when I’m supposed to be somewhere, I have a better experience. Flexibility, then, is not just the kind we marvel at in athletes, it’s a valuable approach to life. The fact is, the more full our lives become, the more likely it is that some aspect of it will require us to be flexible. Whether it’s expectations of family, friends, or the world, we will have to stay flexible in our thinking if we are going to have any peace of mind. Deep breathing is proven to help not only our bodies, but our minds, with this goal. 

3. Say Yes to the Unanticipated One of my favorite Kander & Ebb songs that Liza - yes that Liza - opened her - Liza, with A Z - album is called simply, “Yes.” These lyrics take the classic “yes, and” to a whole other level. There’s a reason I memorized this entire album when I was 14. I needed it. 

I didn’t anticipate figuring out how not to lose our minds in open ended days of summer would prompt me to dig up this old chestnut, but here it is and it’s worth reading. 

Yes

Say yes

Life keeps happenin' every day

Say yes

When opportunity comes your way

You can't start wonderin' what to say

You'll never win if you never play

Say yes

There's Mink And Marigold right outside

And warm white Cadillacs you can ride

Nothin's gained if there's nothin' tried

Say yes

Don't say why

Say why not

What lies beyond what is, is not

So what, say yes...

Yes I can, yes I will

Yes I'll tinker, said yes I'll touch

Yes of cause, yes how nice

Yes I'll happily, thank you very much

Yes, oh-oh, Yes…

Yes I'll look, yes I'll walk

Yes I'd love to do such and such

Yes I'll try, yes I'll dare

Ye-es I-I'll fly, ye-es I- I'll share

And yes I am, and yes I'll be

And yes I'll go…

Oh Yes…

Yes