In preparing for my TEDx in Cape May, NJ October 5th, I couldn’t help but revisit the talk on vulnerability that launched Brene Brown. Much to her surprise it has garnered over 10 million views. What I didn’t know until recently is how much Brown values humor and laughter as a leadership tool.
In interviews and her books Brown repeatedly encourages leaders to maintain a sense of humor, to be able to laugh at their mistakes and engage in “lighthearted banter.” In the sense of leading by example, her research has shown that this approach builds psychological safety and gives permission for team members to take risks, admit mistakes, and share ideas without fear of shame or judgment.
Yes…and!
She also believes that by building a culture that accepts imperfection and can laugh about it, leaders create an environment where creativity can flourish.
Like me, she's discovered that laughter is not a superficial management tool. She even ties it to her original message claiming that shared laughter - my words not hers - is a powerful act of vulnerability that helps leaders build authentic and resilient teams.
Mic drop!
How fantastic that Brown has compiled data to support everything I have found to be true about laughter in the past two decades. I feel compelled to highlight one key point in the laughter for better leadership strategy. I would emphasize the importance of the type of humor that people engage with in work situations. And frankly all situations at this point.
Often referred to as affiliative humor, avoiding any kind of mockery and teasing about sensitive issues is always the way to go at work. And, in my humble opinion, in all relationships. I may be a party of one on this because I have discovered that for some teasing people is their “love language.” That’s what Michelle Obama shared with comedian/actor and now podcast host Amy Poehler on her podcast The Good Hang. Referring to a deal she made with Barack early on she told Poehler,
"It's like, 'I can tease you, but you cannot tease me.'" To this I say, whatever works for you in your life. With a marriage lasting over three decades, apparently this does!
This brings me to an even more important point about attempting to make people laugh, KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE! In a long-term relationship, say with a sibling or a spouse, you have the advantage of having a history together, you can feel out the boundaries of humor together over time. In business, not so much. All the more reason to stay in the "affiliative" lane, using some of your own quirks, and more common challenges as fodder until you know people well.
Yes to humor, yes to using it to help people feel seen, heard and safe. Yes to knowing your audience as the string on which we hang all these pearls!
