Why Claude Reminds Me of My Toxic Ex

I have no right to complain about my AI suitors since I’m actually not faithful to either one. But with good reason. Both sending me running to the hills or at least a Trader Joe’s for some real, human interaction. 

The fact is lately I am using both of them depending on my needs. Trying to get my needs met by a cold, humorless source feels oddly familiar. It’s starting to feel a lot like my dating patterns back before I could cheat on LLM’s with other LLM’s. 

I’ll spend some time with the unctuous Chatgpt, being heaped with praise for whatever idea I am researching. Where’s the critical thinking? Why so much “Go Dani!” energy coming at me? I didn’t like it then, and I still don’t. You can’t trust a guy - I mean an AI model - like this. 

So I’ll toggle over to Claude for the truth. What I get here is cold, analytical feedback. What I really need is a hug. There’s a popular therapeutic metaphor, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” I remember this being repeated to me in reference to my suitors in the ‘90’s. Why now do I find myself surprised when I go to hardware and get hardware? 

Curious about this and searching for anything to do other than write a five year plan, I let myself have some fun with my boyfriend analogy of these AI models. 

On brand, my biggest issue with Claude is how humorless it is. And how resistant to intimacy. I had an ex like this. One Valentine’s Day he showed up empty handed and when I reminded him of the holiday, he said, “I know. I’m here.” Claude is like this guy. No frills, let’s get the job done. 

To push my LLM as boyfriend comparison, I then typed in, 

“My friend Sarah hates me.” A typical thing I might say to a boyfriend at that age or a husband last week. Chat responded. 

“That sounds really painful — especially when it’s someone you care about. Before assuming Sarah hates you, it may help to separate what happened from what your mind is filling in. Sometimes when we feel hurt or uncertain, our brains jump to the most threatening explanation (“she hates me”) when there may be other possibilities: she’s distracted, stressed, upset about something else, communicating differently, or there’s a misunderstanding.”

Thoughtful, kind, but a potential hot boyfriend? ZZzzzzzzz.

Claude came back with: 

“That sounds heavy. Did something happen recently that made you feel that way?’ 

Not terrible. But you can almost feel it checking messages while he’s asking. 

Claude is the macho guy who has no time or interest for niceties. He’s what my friend the late comic Sam Brown used to yell imitating his stepfather, “I’m a bottomline guy. I’m a bottom line guy!” He’s the eye rolling, “not this again,” kind of listener who’s also the smartest guy in the room. He would be played by Jon Hamm. 

Chatgpt on the other hand, is cloying and annoying. The guy who’s hoping to get to hold your hand by being the nicest guy you’ve ever met. Sweet. A little desperate. Also not honest. 

The great news from my brief study for those fearing our AI future is that in both of these “relationships,” - the biggest take away is how grateful I am a) that I’m not still dating, but also and more importantly b) how the only way to have a heartfelt, nuanced relationship of any kind is with a living breathing human being. 

And it turns out I did find some objectives for my five year plan - Engage with humans:

• those who make you laugh

• those who tell the truth 

• a few who hug