Last week an e-mail came in from a comedian friend of mine, “Please join me for a special celebration dinner.” It was Thursday and the dinner was Saturday.
My first thought was, “how nice.” My next thought was more mean girl. The dinner is less than two days away, guess someone must have dropped out last minute and she had to fill a seat. Fortunately my thought after that was, who cares? I’d love to celebrate something with her, of course I’ll go! I clicked through. Then Punchbowl asked for information it usually doesn’t. Last year I was a scam victim to the tune of $4000.00, so I shut this all down and texted her to see if it was legit. “HACKED!” she wrote back.
On Monday another unexpected invitation arrived in my inbox. A divorced friend who we’ve socialized with over the years because our sons grew up together. Please come to a dinner on April 4th to celebrate! Maybe he and his steady girlfriend have news to share!. Waking from a shallow slumber, the mean girl in my head grabbed the mic. I guess they’re casting a wide net for this celebration since he’s including you! Oh well, sure I’ll come! I’ll celebrate anything positive these days, an unexpected $2.00 residual check, a full tank of gas, my dog not peeing on the rug! I click through and again I’m asked for unnecessary information. Not this time scammers! I e-mail my friend, tell him I’m happy to celebrate with him, just confirming that it's real.
“HACKED!” He writes back. “Sorry!”
I outsmarted a scam. Personal growth! But I couldn't help noticing my reflexive reaction to these invitations both times. Why does something as minor as an e-mail hack trigger my exhausting, underlying sense of not belonging? Where’s my sense of humor when I need it?
It would be great if I could short circuit these thoughts - or not have them at all. In the likelihood that this will not happen in my lifetime, I’m grateful that I do the next best thing. I take my own nonsense, said lovingly, and use it to help others. Which I’ve learned, in my eight years in the company of entrepreneurs, is the best impetus for starting and building a business! Recognizing a problem you know in your bones and setting out on a mission to solve it for others.
Feeling like an outsider has followed me possibly from birth. I lived in an incubator most of my first year - an Isolette - from the word isolate, aka alone, aka no sense of belonging. Experiencing my formative years in this state it should come as no surprise to anyone that I would grow up and launch a company whose mission it is to tackle this for all people. By helping people laugh. Together. Because nothing creates connection and a feeling of belonging faster than laughing with other people!
I never would have thought that an e-mail scam could pack such an important educational punch. Pun intended! First, it exposed my inner mean-girl reaction to anyone inviting me anywhere. My perpetual sense of not being invited, of not really belonging. Second, and more importantly, this reaction explains why I never became a lawyer. But instead I have spent almost my entire professional career devoted to helping people not feel this way.
One scam, two insights! Thank you Punchbowl predators. But please stop now.
